Writings of a Sinner

For all sin and fall short of the glory of God

Month: October, 2014

Flood Gates 2

Do they know that I would do absolutely anything for them?

I would lose the most precious hours of sleep.

Give my last dollar on their single whim.

The best part is that my care level is not affected by theirs.

They could walk all over me.

Here let me lay down for you.

Maybe it’s because I know what it’s like to be without friends.

Never again.

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Floodgates

I see all these fantastic people and just assume they won’t like me.
Why would they.
It would probably be a disservice to bother them with conversation.
Wouldn’t want to ruin their day.

We’re always counting down time until it’s slipping through our fingers.
Hurry up, almost there… Fuck! It’s gone!

I thought I’d become stagnant.
Thought I stopped growing.
But I think I was wrong.
I think I can finally drink my tea without honey.

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Approve Me

Did you taste the sweet in my voice?
Did you feel the love of my grasp?
Didn’t you hear the cry in my eyes?
Didn’t you feel the tension in my soul?
I had hoped you would.
I had hoped for your approval.
My lasso closes on thin air.
My lasso falls empty to the ground.
Isn’t that too bad?
Isn’t my trial worth your approval.

Marks

Red marks etched into the skin of my chest paint the picture.

This one’s to satisfy the itch.

This one’s to see how much pain I will endure.

This one’s for the mirror.

But this one?…

This one’s for you.

Texture

The wood grain of my bed frame runs North and South.
I dig in my nails and scratch at it every night as I wait for sleep.
I secretly wish it to notice my boredom driven destructiveness.
Notice me you demeaning piece of half-assed craftsmanship!
You creak with my slightest shift of weight.
You know I can’t lie still.
You know of my restless bones.
Yet still you creak.
This should be easy and smooth like the wood grain.
But no.
If I cannot sleep, then you shall have texture.

Kneeling

I kneel at your feet.
Humbled to the floor.
My mountain of sin
shadows my soul.

Let me claw this skin raw.
Let me start anew.
Cleanse this heart.
With your perfect blood paid.

Draw me back into
your loving fold.
I’m done lying to myself.
No more smoke and mirrors.

Your breath warms my chest.
Your words strengthen my legs.
I will find peace
kneeling at your feet.