Life Thoughts

by Writer

Every once in a while I come to a point where everything that defines me as me is all thats left. A point where nothing else that obscures me exists. Its usually before I fall asleep only to wake up and find it gone.
Sometimes if I wake up on my own, say on a weekend, I might still be in that state. When I dream, I’m me. Sometimes in music I’m me. But I hate that I can’t be me all the time. I hate that sometimes when I want to sing, I can’t find the stupid English words that vaguely discribe my feeling. I hate my lack of knowledge in music to paint my feeling with different canvas than the canvas of words. I want to open up my chest and pour my heart into the music so that it lives through me and I live through it. But my hands don’t play what I want them to on the piano. And the music in my head is way beyond my comprehension. Some people are themselves when their skin is covered in earth from a long day working in it. I am myself when I am in the Word of God, and when I am in music… Which i consider them no different. Is not the LORD’s voice like the sound of trumpets? His softest whisper, like a bow grazing its string.
I’m not afraid of death because it doesn’t hold for me what it might hold for some.
I’m not afraid of pain because it reminds me of who I am.
I’m afraid of being alone.
Its an irrational fear because God is always with us but still I fear it.
I’m afraid for the rest of my life on earth I might not have the comfort of somebody as me and me as them.
Both different but still the same.
Thats my fear. All other fears are temporary.