Writings of a Sinner

For all sin and fall short of the glory of God

Where I belong.

Call me back where I belong

And set my soul at ease.

As I stray and wander off,

lead me back upon my knees.

You know the horrors of this heart

and still you love me unendingly.

Now I pray to you to right my wrong

and call me back where I belong.

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Slow burn

The more I stare the deeper it sinks its hooks into me.

I’m trapped but I’m not mad.

In fact, I prefer it.

I’m happy to sit and let my gaze stand on the embers without being burned.

I’m just close enough that the wind isn’t quite so chilling.

I’m just far enough away to feel the warm embrace of my creation.

Or my destruction I suppose.

These flames aren’t exactly creating anything but smoke.

But also peace inside me.

It’s a slow burn and I’m prepared to wait it out.

More than prepared.

Even the excitement of another pallet doesn’t raise me from my seat.

Easy in. Easy out.

That aroma in the air is the smell of home.

It’s a slow burn and I’m prepared to wait it out.

The man I am.

I close my eyes to see the setting sun.

Why do I long for things yet to come?

Can I not cherish the moment in which I stand?

Will I ever be happy with the man that I am?

I both hope not and hope so.

I’m torn between the mirror and the window.

I originally sat down to write about the wind.

But it seems that my mind cannot be blown from what speaks within.

But I can calm these thoughts with a deep breath and a hum.

As I close my eyes to see the setting sun.

Three day forecast

Sunday you can expect cloudy skies and squinting eyes moving into heavy sighs.

Monday brings the most underwhelming of showers that will leave you slightly damp for hours.

Tuesday’s a little to far to see, but just between you and me, I don’t expect it to travel too far from normalcy.

Sometimes.

Sometimes the moment is too short and you’re left drifting slowly in negative space.

Sometimes the moment lasts too long and that wonderful feeling of satisfaction is ruined like an overplayed song.

Sometimes there’s no moment at all and you don’t know what you’re missing, but you know you’re missing it.

I can only trust you when you say that it’s worth it.

Keystrokes

Sing softly in my ear.

Blow gentle waves against my drums and make it mean something.

Drag a fingertip lightly against my skin and draw new lines.

Tell me that you love me and match my ever changing puzzle piece.

Let every breath be the perfect length in between keystrokes.

I want to feel something

I want to feel something break in my hands as I tear it apart. The release might just make me forget for a moment

We like violence because it feels good and I want to feel good.

I want to feel something pulsing against my ear as I wait on each beat. The tempo might just drown this silence out for a moment.

We like the rhythm because it feels good and I want to feel good.

I want to feel something numbing my lips as I stumble through the hallway to my room. My senses might be just dull enough that I can think for a moment.

We like to get drunk because it feels good and I want to feel good.

Messy

We’re just digging in the dirt.

And I miss what I’ve never had.

Remnants of our skin gather on the floor.

I’m not convinced that it’s not that bad.

It’s hot and we’re sweating.

These limbs have cold.

The air feels too sticky.

Young heart but it feels old.

No organization at all

To these lies I’m confessing.

I can’t find what I need.

How can life be so messy?

Tell me why

…Im so easy to throw away.

…It’s so hard for me to let go. 

…You blame me for what I can’t control. 

…I’m apologizing for things that aren’t mine. 

…You’re always trying to convince you to leave. 

…I’m always trying to convince you to stay. 

…I’m the one who is not ready. 

…You’re the one walking away. 

Tell me why. 

Breaking Hands

I have broken you with my breaking hands and it was never my intention. 

I am a trap. I should have known. I should have paid more attention. 

But now you’re broken on the floor and I’m left more lost than I was before. 

I have broken you with my broken hands…

It was never my intention.